Thanksgiving is just around the corner. The cynic in me says that besides sharing our gratitude, it’s also the national holiday when we celebrate family dysfunction. This is especially true for those of us concerned about the environment, climate, and the earth.
Our national discourse has been reduced along political party lines and most families, who are still speaking, have members of each party. But there is no conversation across those party lines because each party sticks to it’s own group identity regardless of the issue, even within families.
According to a poll by Pew Research Center, more than half of Democrats (55%) say the Republican Party makes them “afraid,” while 49% of Republicans say the same about the Democratic Party.
So you’ve resolved ahead of time not to engage with Uncle Ralph. (Why does your mother always invite him?) You’ve even thought of some witty repartee. But you know that arguing politics is not very effective at getting someone to change their beliefs. While you have facts on your side, you also know that if the facts don’t already fit the frames in one’s brain, the frames will dominate and the facts will flow like water off a Tofurkey’s back. When we challenge a person’s political beliefs, we are challenging their identity and their ego. This just entrenches their beliefs and results in “I’m right and you’re an idiot.”
But you know it’s going to happen. You make it through the meal, then after each of you have each had a few drinks, Uncle Ralph says something like… I just read about how global warming is a hoax, or electric cars are bad for the environment. It doesn’t matter the subject. He laughs as if this is the starting bell of some race.
In order to tackle really big problems like the climate, we need everybody. Hiding from the other side isn’t going to change anything. We need a frank discussion. We can not sit and be afraid. We need to engage; otherwise our democracy and climate are lost.
Here are six things you might want to try, instead of kicking Uncle Ralph in the nuts.
1. Take a Breath
Climate is now political. It doesn’t have to be that way. All of us should be concerned about the state of our earth. Unfortunately, all politics are moral and are tied to our values and belief systems about what is right and what is wrong. So we are unlikely to “convince” someone in a single conversation to change their beliefs.
The first step is to simply take a breath. What other people say and do is about them, not about you. Hear them out.
2. Ask Questions
There is no climate “debate,” so stop fighting the frame that climate change isn’t real
I’ve written about responding to the climate frame that climate change isn’t real. Trying to fight a frame only strengthens it. Since Trump was elected we are back to trying to prove climate change is real. Sticking to the dinner theme, we feed what we fight. This pushes our buttons and does nothing.
Instead, you might ask a question. Why do you believe that?
3. Stop spouting facts about climate change
Facts and the truth matter. But spouting facts at the wrong time will only drive people away. It only forces them to think about facts of their own. Many climate activists are under the delusion that facts and reasons will persuade people. So leave the 405 parts per million and the charts at home. They will help, but only at the right time and only when asked as a question.
4. Ask yourself a few questions first
- Can I listen? If you are not ready to listen, you are not ready to understand.
- What are their values? We can’t understand unless we know someone’s core values. Asking questions is a path to beginning to understand. For example,
- Why do you believe that?
- How does that affect you?
- How do you feel about that?
- Am I the right messenger? Often we are simply the wrong messenger. The barriers to trust are too high. So it’s often easier for business people to engage with business people and farmers with farmers. And family with family.
- What stories do I have that relate to those values? See below.
5. Find common values
Surprisingly many people on opposite sides of a question actually share common values. They might be “security,” or “family,” or “independence” or “loyalty,” or “reverence,” or “caring for others.” We can’t really understand where someone is coming from until we understand their values. But if the value we are most concerned about is “caring for others” and they are concerned about “security,” the conversation will go nowhere.
It is possible to share values. One can be pro-security and pro-climate or pro-independence and pro-nature. But finding a shared value is the key. It allows one to build trust and find a common bond.
6. Share stories
It’s not what you think, it’s how you feel. Having a deep conversation also requires you to share. Sharing the “why” rather than the “what” is key. So if you are concerned about your kids “security” in a climate changing world then perhaps finding that common value allows your conversation to progress to “what” things affect security. Spend some time ahead of this Thanksgiving thinking about your values and your stories that relate to them.
But better than telling your story, ask Uncle Ralph to tell you about a time when he did something good for someone else. When did he act in empathy for someone else? Dr. George Lakoff says that “Empathy is the antidote to conservative thought.” By activating a memory of empathy, you begin to stimulate empathy in the brain. Repetition can help people develop this muscle.
There’s no silver bullet to having a meaningful conversation. But we need to get better at understanding each other. Thanksgiving is not the time to avoid the conversation, but to begin it. Because the earth needs it and we need it.
We Are All Connected. Savor the Earth!
Hobie,
L. Hobart Stocking
SkyWaterEarth.com
hobart@skywaterearth.com
651-357-0110
Facebook: @SkyWaterEarthConnected
Twitter: @SkyWaterEarth
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